Hello fashionable people. First, I must apologize just in case this post ends up looking strange formatting-wise. I created a Google + account and now have a swanky new blog interface which will hopefully be easier to use. Sometimes though, L-Sass does not adapt well, especially when changes are technology based.
Anyway, who tuned in to the Academy Awards/Oscars? Ever wonder why this show has two names? After
Jean Dujardin won Best Actor for his role in The Artist and rattled off a bunch of facts about the Awards of yesteryear, I became a little interested. After
extensively researching looking it up on Wikipedia, I learned that the origin of the term "Oscars" is as widely contested as some of the winners themselves. Since most of the explanations concern people I have never heard of (save for Bette Davis and Walt Disney), I won't go into that any further.
Ok, so. On to the red carpet. Overall, I thought it was pretty safe, what say you? Below are two looks that are pretty representative of what we saw all evening. Nothing really wrong here, nothing really amazing. On the left we have
Penelope Cruz, who looks perfectly pretty, but it's so boring and I am just not a fan of the hola senorita neckline. I realize this photo is blurry, but since she didn't really look great I decided it didn't matter. Of the two, I prefer
Virginia Madsen. The color is amazing on her. I don't understand the green earrings with this. It's not like it's a horrible combination, but it's all very Ninja Turtles, isn't it? Maybe that's just because I came of age in the '90s. Also, they look like they were purchased on Bluefly.com after Virginia saw Angelina Jolie's earrings at the 81st Oscars, and she thought it's been long enough that no one would remember. Wrong-O.
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| Virginia Madsen in Kevan Hall |
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| Penelope Cruz in Armani Prive |
Speaking of
Angelina Jolie, she wore black, which surprised no one except for some reason Giuliana Rancic, who remarked that she was expecting her to go for color. For real, Angelina Jolie wears black to events 95 percent of the time. And this year, her red carpet poses were as varied as her events wardrobe:
Is she serious with the leg? I can't take it. This is classic example of a woman trying too hard. The slit would have been very sexy if she had tried, at all, to make her leg sticking out look like... well, like she was NOT DELIBERATELY STICKING HER LEG OUT. What gives?Maybe she was trying to trip Ryan Seacrest. I hope so. Anyway, as anyone who watched the actual show knows, this nonsense did not end after the carpet. She continued it on stage as a presenter. Luckily, it gave us this hilarious moment (special thanks EW.com who not only supplied the dual view, but hilariously named the jpeg "jolie rash," which is what you get after watching her repeatedly stick her leg out awkwardly everywhere she goes):
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| Angelina Jolie and my new favorite Oscar winner, Jim Rash (accepting an award for Best Adapted Screen Play). |
Leg atrocity aside, I was torn about this look because her waistline looked amazing in it, but I know for a fact that she's emaciated. I guarantee she had to wear her hair down so no one would see her bony-ass shoulders. The lady is a skeleton in red lipstick. The dress, which probably weighed as much as she does, would have looked better on Mr. Rash.
Moving on. I realize I have gone off on several tangents since beginning this post, so if any of you are still reading, I'll now reward you by getting into the WORSTS first.
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| 10) Melissa McCarthy in Marina Rinaldi |
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I know, I'm sorry. But this just didn't work for me. She looks like she is being choked by that bedazzled collar or whatever it is. I didn't dig the waist detail either, it looked like it was stolen from a superhero. Something else unfortunate: those sleeves. Does no one watch
What Not to Wear? This dress is not flattering to her shape at all. Overall, it's too billowy, she looked like she stole if from a (really great) theater's costume closet.
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| 9) Busy Phillips in Dolce & Gabana |
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For real, I could chop this dress around the knee, put on a black cardigan and be ready for work. Also hated the jewelry. This is all very sad, because I just saw Busy on
Watch What Happens: Live and really liked her. Also, those shoes... I guess it was a way to jazz up the dress but it didn't work out.
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| 8) Wendi McLendon-Covey in CB Haute Couture |
I can't decide if she looks more like a birthday cake or the little ballerina who dances in a jewelry box. Epic fail, lady.
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| 7) Viola Davis in CUSTOM Vera Wang |
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CUSTOM! Eek. I imagine the exchange went like this:
Vera: I made this especially for you.
Viola: Oh...you shouldn't have.
She looks like she is being eaten by something (something that can't quite get past her breasts). Not to sound like a tired
Project Runway judge, but there are some good ideas in here, it just didn't all come together.
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| 6) Rooney Mara in Givenchy |
Is anyone else tired of Rooney Mara looking like this? Stop it with the bangs, Rooney. And stop drawing attention to the fact that you don't have any breasts.
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| 5) Jennifer Lopez in Zuhair Murad |
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Christ! She looks something you would be horrified to encounter under the sea (something that is also going to prom. why the prom hair, why?). Look, it's no secret that I hate Jennifer Lopez, but rest assured, I genuinely hate this dress. I texted my mom that I was pretty sure you could see the slut's nipple, and I am again sure of this while viewing the pictures. I hate the cutout in the sleeves, and I hate the little belle shape at the wrists. I'm not sure there is anyone I more wish would just. go. away. She and
Cameron Diaz were paired up to present, presumably because they are each totally irrelevant on their own. And, what happened to Cameron Diaz's face? Yikes.
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| 4) Jessica Chastain in Alexander McQueen |
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Jessica Chastain finally got her hair looking good, and then she goes and wears this.
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| 3) Amara Miller in Valentino |
Dear Amara Miller's parents, your daughter was in an Oscar-nominated movie; she should officially be allowed to wear makeup. Dear Valentino, this dress is terrible.
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| 2) Shaun Robinson in ??? |
Unsurprisingly, I can't find out who is responsible for this.
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| 1) Livia Giuggioli in CUSTOM Valentino |
How could something custom made fit so poorly? I call lies. She looks like she has a tray resting on her boobs. And that purse! Holy God. I'd congratulate her on matching her lipstick EXACTLY to her dress, but I don't know why anyone would want to do that. Finally, I'm very upset that this lady gets to hang around with
Colin Firth. Perhaps she was distracted by his body/face/sound of his voice while getting dressed, and so we end up with this monstrosity. It is the only acceptable excuse.
Ok, let's end this post on a high note and get into the BESTS.
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| 10) Glenn Close in Zac Posen |
Glenn may have lost the Oscar to Meryl Streep (I call bullshit), but she totally bested her in terms of fashion. I love the color, the fit is perfect, and the jacket actually reads "fashion" and not "I'm old so I better cover up."
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| 9) Kristen Wiig in J. Mendel |
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See what happens when you don't wear hideous, gothic chokers? (Kristen Wiig at the SAG Awards) I love how effortless this looks, I love the color, and I think the skirt manages to look dramatic and soft without looking like a chicken costume. Also, this is what I wish my hair looked like every day. Bravo.
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| 8) Nina Garcia in Jean Paul Gaultier |
I'm not usually a fan of black on the red carpet, especially when I'm viewing it on TV (as opposed to examining pictures online, I mean. I'm not that lucky). But when I saw Nina in this gown, it stuck with me. I love, love that neckline, and I can't remember the last time I saw something like that. I feel like if you're going to do black, make sure there is an interesting structural or textural element, like Nina has done. Plus, she had the best accessory ever:
Tim Gunn!
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| 7) Kelly Osbourne in ?? and Kelly Osbourne |
Word has it that Kelly helped design her gown, but I
couldn't find
was too lazy to keep searching for who she worked with. I love the
black and green, the cut-outs, the silhouette, the sleeves...it's just a
win, all around. I love how she styled her hair, even though I'll never
be a fan of the violet-gray, but that's just not who I am. Kelly is who
she is though, and nothing less. Love that! She never seems to be
trying too hard, and she never seems to be phony. I heart Kelly.
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| 6) Stacy Keibler in Marchesa |
Holy fit! Perfection. Everyone is joking that she
looked like the Oscar itself, but for real, let's just redesign the
things and call them the Stacys.
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| 5) Ellie Kemper in Armani |
I am in love with this dress. If I went to the Oscars, or anything remotely fancy, ever, I would wear this (in this fantasy, I do not suffer from underarm fat, as I do in real life). I love the rust colors, and it looks like there are pinks and ambers mixed in there too, or maybe it's just the way the light hits it...who cares? My only deal is I think it's sitting just a smidge low and I'm not really loving those bangs. But I love that the jewelry is simple, and I love her hair color. I didn't really know who Ellie Kemper was before. I do now!
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| 4) Milla Jovovich in Elie Saab |
No one in the history of the world ever, nor anyone yet to come, will ever be able find anything wrong or blah about this look. Every single thing, from head to toe, is perfect. And I love her pose, she looks like she's floating. So sexy, so not desperate. I wonder if Angelina's put her freaking leg away yet.
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| 3) Octavia Spencer in Tadashi Shoji |
Can you imagine a better dress for this lady? The fit and color are perfect. I love the cinched waist and the way the beading splays out from the center. I also loved that she looked a little nervous all night. Most people are soooo cooool. It was just really fun to see someone who looked like she could hardly believe all that was happening to her. And she looked beautiful.
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| 2) Emma Stone in Giambattista Valli |
I love red, and I love a redhead in red. I love the giant bow! It is indeed giant but it looks light as a feather. And I love that her hair is swept in the opposite direction. And I love that she doesn't have orange skin. And I love that she's not wearing a hideous eagle belt like she was at the Golden Globes. Love, love Emma Stone.
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| 1) Michelle Williams in Louis Vuitton |
Marilyn who? I love everything about this, and it's my favorite look of hers since the yellow Vera Wang she wore in 2006 (and I frequently love what she does). I love the color and texture, and I'm really into that pink clutch. Of everyone on the carpet, Michelle Williams is the one whose closet I would love to look inside.
Whoo. That is it! Sorry for the delay, I have a job and a kind of pain in the butt commute, etc. Thanks for reading! Some final thoughts:
Rose Byrne is too skinny and
Melissa Leo looked like a magician. Honorable mentions:
Giuliana Rancic,
Kelly Ripa and
Gwyenth Paltrow.Sorry for saying the words "love" and "amazing" so many times. But if not when discussing red carpet looks, then when?
Once again, Meg, thanks for having me!